Dealing with anger and finding my path

[Russ]

Hey everyone,

My names Rusty.

I'll get to the chase my biggest issue is dealing with Anger. No matter how hard I try or how many times I think the beast within is slain it just comes back.

I'm trying to find my path in life. Trying to find my way if you would, but it seems everything I try falls apart in my hands. Friends abandon me after I help them to no end, jobs fall through and the list goes on.

I figure I have to be doing something very wrong, that or I got a metric ton of bad Karma...

[Krusty]

Dear Rusty,

we suffer when things don`t go the way we want them. But that is due to our expectations and they arise from wrong views (looking at things as if they truly exist, having a permanent self that reacts and causes harm). But as they don`t have a permanent self, they change (we and them exist dependent on many different levels) and so they don`t fit with our expectations anymore. So what to do? Change situations and people to make them fit with our ideas, probably impossible. So all we can do, is letting go our expectations and trying to be fine with what we get. That is definitly not easy, for you have to take your thinking away from the small egocentric mind, that believes things have to go the way we want them, for we know what is right. And to get your mind think from your heart, with wisdom and even more with compassion.
Stop fighting, you loose in the end. Much rather do meditations full of compassion with the people who make you angry. Send love and light as much as you can. And situations will change, not because you gain power to rule the world, but you gain power to change your mind. That is something out of my own experience, for I had and still do have a lot of anger myself. To acknowledge this is tough, for we have to let go our ideas of how we thought the world should be. And believe me, I cried more than one tear.
Concerning your Karma, there are practices to clean up your bad Karma and I suggest that you should really do that. If you have questions what kind of practice you should do, post here again and I`m sure you will get very competent advice.
At least I will try to answer to the extent of my knowledge.

Sincerly Krusty

[Scott Hutton]

Krusty just gifted some very sensible advice.

It may sound New Agey, but, no matter what keep a positive attitude - the negative ones just drag you down further.  I won't pretend for one second that this is easy, and I have to repeat this advice to myself everyday.

Instead of getting on your own case for lousy karma, look at it this way: overall, your desire for rebirth is being weakened, and all this crap going down is pointing you to Dharma.

Right now the Guru appears in your mandala as Hard Core Reality.  Later it will be different. 

The Dalai Lama advises us to consider ourselves disciples of everyone we meet.  That's good advice too.

Dopey

[clouded]

Hi Rusty,

I really agree with what Krusty said. I too was a very hot & quick tempered person in the past. But i realised that the reason i got angry was usually because of my own expectations and clingings on how that person should behave. When the person's behaviour did not accord with what i want, i get angry.

It's just like parent's who want their children to turn out exactly as they want them to be. When the children have their own dreams that do not accord with their parent's desire, the parents get angry! It is caused by our expectations.

So i dealt with my anger my reducing my expectations on people and ultimately hope to cut it out completely. So now i try my best to see people as they are and accept them as they are. And another method i used to control my anger is to ask myself, "Why am i angry? What am i angry about? Why should i be angry?" the moment i start getting angry. It really helps me to stop the anger in a very short time as i can see that the anger was not caused by the other person, but by myself.

May you be well and happy. May you be free from all anger.

[sampa]

It is good to be equipped with the antidote for anger.Better still contemplate and find out how anger arises.Also how does pleasant thought arises.What is it that remian constant and unchanging noticing the arising of good thoughts,bad thoughts and how each thoughts are impermenant and eventually goes away.What do you find between thoughts?In this silence your buddha nature is not veile4d by anything and it shines forth naturally.Lord Jesus say 'Be still[in thought] and KNOW I am GOD'Once you know the truth,you need not struggle unnecessarily.Once you are convinced the earth is round you do not keep on reminding yourself,least you forget,when you see a stretch of wide open field.

[pummy369]

High quality replies on anger you guys.  Good stuff.  Do you think that just plain old meditating/slowing down the mind is good for softening and slowing down anger?  I too have old anger issues and I contemplate, listen to/read inspirng stuff (dharma), contemplate, take positive acition, think I am over it and it still comes up over the same issues.  I am trying to meditate more, hoping this will gradually quieten the angry thoughts and loosen the tight grip that I have on my experiences.  It doesn't remove the challenge for me but it does make me feel a bit more at peace in general and not so wanting to throttle someone.  ( I never throttle anyone but I do let the anger eat me up inside if I don't intervene).

Do you think that plain old quietening the mind/simply meditating on the breath can help with issues like anger.  I agree whole heartedly with the meditation on sending light and love to those that we perceive to have caused us pain.  I believe it has the power to transform bad energies between people.  I am sure there is a better explanation to why this exercise is so good.

[wmw111]

I think we have established from the first few threads why we become angry , that is if  expectations are not met , and Krusty also mentioned Karma which for me is the key.

For us to meet un wholesome frens, bad situations or things that potentially makes us to become angry the source is our Karma. So if it is one's karma , who should we be angry with ? The external things , or our delusions that helped us create the karma in the first place?  If we are the creator of our karma then ,
1) we must stop creating more causes to experience in the future,
2) we must stop blaming external conditions or others,

If we still want to be angry , we should be angry with our delusions.

And if we are habitually angersome , it is not easy , but the next time u become angry think about  ' Why am I becoming angry at others or situations? ' Is it really their fault ?  Attempt to be mindful during such situations , throw a spanner in your normal train of thinking, do not submit to your normal habituation without a fight .

The direct antidote , is forbearance , and patience. To not to react immediately when those things that make us upset present itself immediately , but to break the momentum of the angry thought , and reflect should I get angry in the first place?


Of course it is also said if one is angry , one creates the causes to be reborn as a hell being  and one will have a figure that is not attractive ( this one works for me too ).

But I always give this example and that is , if I am a person who is easy to anger, then any TOM , DICk and HARRY can come along and push my buttons , and to me
I am giving away my happiness to be under the control of others and not myself anymore.

For us to transform , collection of merits , purification of negativies & study will help us progress much faster.

[pummy369]

But I always give this example and that is , if I am a person who is easy to anger, then any TOM , DICk and HARRY can come along and push my buttons , and to me
I am giving away my happiness to be under the control of others and not myself anymore.

Thank you wmw111.  Simple, practicle and effective.  I shall meditate on this. 

[ramblingvine]

I don't think this necessarily Buddhist advice, but...

Try yelling. Go somewhere (where you won't scare anyone with all of the noise you're going to make), and yell yourself hoarse. I know that if I stub my toe, it hurts less when I feel free to swear and yell.

[Joey]

sadly the thread starter has left the building a looong time ago....