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Ivy
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« on: December 03, 2010, 07:26:09 PM » |
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I was wondering... do our parents, grandparents, ancestors etc. receive benefit from our dharma practice even if they don't/didn't practice themselves... seeing as they are sort of indirectly responsible for these actions. Also, my partner doesn't want to get involved, but he does go out of his way to make sure that I am able to attend talks etc... does he receive merit for that?
I don't know if this is a stretch, but it is something I've been thinking about, and for whatever reason, helping my family is sometimes a better motivation for me than benefiting myself.
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Joey
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« Reply #1 on: December 03, 2010, 07:40:30 PM » |
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thats a good motivation actually. because Dharma is all about benefiting others.
Dharma benefits your family because when you practice Dharma, they will see the difference, and they will be inspired to transform themselves and they will be interested in Buddhism. And this is merit.
In a recent talk and many talks as well, Rinpoche mentioned that not yelling at your family members is Dharma and making them happy is Dharma...well you get the idea.
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If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind." ~Buddha
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wmw111
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« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2010, 12:26:50 AM » |
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Your partner by not hindering you and supporting there is some good in that for sure. Sometimes we need more than words to convince them, our actions must be consistent with the dharma  always. Maybe one day he might how do you do that? or Maybe not whatever it is we must not give up on our own practice. Rinpoche has said a powerful dharma practice can really affect the karma of the people around you. he has said that many times, sometimes in a direct manner. There was was a student of rinpoche who held a pretty high post in the organisation, and due to his own selfishness and wanting to do more business with his brother, he decided to do less dharma and wanted to relinquish his position, before long his brother died in a freak electrocution. I think his brother was one of the causes for him to stop doing dharma and when people stop/influence others from doing dharma it is said the karma is heavy. I recall that Rinpoche said if this person had carried on doing the dharma his brother may not have met such a fate. One of rinpoche's assistant served him for many years, gave up his secular work, as a result when his grandma was about to pass a way according to Rinpoche said by this student's devotion it created the causes for Rinpoche to make direct prayers in person for the grandma, the grandma expired in peace. I always like this from Rinpoche's twitter- When I care for myself I exclude others, When I help everyone I am included. |
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'Fear is the absolute confusion between you and your projections'
'You are very preoccupied with getting what you want, so you will fail to see what is'
~ Chogyam Trungpa ~
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Ivy
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« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2010, 06:31:26 AM » |
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Thank you for your answers Another thing I am thinking of is one of Rinpoche's talks, I cannot remember which one... where he said (i think) that when we dedicate the merits of our practice to our loved ones they do not get the merit directly, but we create the causes to bring the dharma to them at some point in the future... do you guys know if I am remembering that correctly? Can that apply to people who have already passed? I have seen a lot of improvement in some people around me (as well as the kinds of people I spend time with) since I have been practicing... though I hesitate to take any credit for that myself. I do worry about my partner because he gets very depressed and can't seem to see any way out of it... He actually believes in karma, and thinks he has bad karma, so he doesn't deserve to be happy. |
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Joey
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« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2010, 07:08:01 AM » |
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Thank you for your answers Another thing I am thinking of is one of Rinpoche's talks, I cannot remember which one... where he said (i think) that when we dedicate the merits of our practice to our loved ones they do not get the merit directly, but we create the causes to bring the dharma to them at some point in the future... do you guys know if I am remembering that correctly? Can that apply to people who have already passed? I have seen a lot of improvement in some people around me (as well as the kinds of people I spend time with) since I have been practicing... though I hesitate to take any credit for that myself. I do worry about my partner because he gets very depressed and can't seem to see any way out of it... He actually believes in karma, and thinks he has bad karma, so he doesn't deserve to be happy. well depression happens when a person refuses to face an issue or do something about that issue. It is more or less the subconcious mind's way of forcing you to face it. I'd recommend talking your partner to go to a qualified therapist or counsellor to help him open up with his issues and solve it. Because it has helped me a lot and allowed the Dharma to penetrate deeper into my mind as i open up more to myself and others. I suffer from chronic depression and insomia (still have the insomia, but not the depression) and of course Lama Tsongkhapa's practice served as the catalyst as well as Rinpoche's teachings on death meditation. improvement is always a good sign. keep it up. |
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If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind." ~Buddha
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Ivy
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« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2010, 07:25:24 AM » |
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Well, I do wish he would go to a therapist, but that is almost certainly not going to happen... he had a bad experience with a therapist in the past... additionally, the whole "stiff upper lip" not admitting to your weaknesses thing is very ingrained in him from his family... you can't really get someone to seek help who won't admit to having a problem.
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wmw111
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« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2010, 07:31:42 AM » |
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If a person does chanting himself he gets let say the full merit of his chanting , if someone does it for him the benefit he gets but a percentage of it. Yes the same can apply for people who have passed, but those who have passed the percentage they get even smaller than someone who is alive if I am not wrong. Karma must not be taken as fatalistic, there are some beliefs that if u have the karma to be like this u can't change it. That is not what we believe. If we apply the right cause things can change. for example if we are not loved, if we start to care for others without wanting care back, it might be slow but u building up the causes to be cared for, makes sense? We must create causes that are similar to the effect that we want. If we want to be close in a relationship we must show love to the other person right for example. |
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'Fear is the absolute confusion between you and your projections'
'You are very preoccupied with getting what you want, so you will fail to see what is'
~ Chogyam Trungpa ~
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SharpPudding
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« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2010, 03:34:55 AM » |
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Hmm,.. when we have family we make a lot of ties. Probably when we die or even when we take rebirth, we see our relatives in different forms, and if we rejoice in their good activities then we make a lot of merit, a lot of good karma. I think in that way at least merits can spread throughout a family, and it makes sense, any good we do the family benefits also.
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Joey
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« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2010, 06:14:44 PM » |
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Well, I do wish he would go to a therapist, but that is almost certainly not going to happen... he had a bad experience with a therapist in the past... additionally, the whole "stiff upper lip" not admitting to your weaknesses thing is very ingrained in him from his family... you can't really get someone to seek help who won't admit to having a problem.
Hmm...if that's the case, being sensitive to his needs and pain would be of a tremendous help to him. He needs someone like that to heal . Caring for him unconditionally even if he hurts you emotionally would be a lesson in compassion, at least for now |
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If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind." ~Buddha
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Ivy
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« Reply #9 on: December 14, 2010, 06:04:45 PM » |
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Thanks everyone for your replies I think, very slowly, over the period of time since I have been seriously practicing the dharma I have seen positive changes in people around me... Maybe they are just growing all on their own (and I rejoice in that if that is the case ) However, it is still a nice motivating factor for me to think I can be of help to the people I care about... In the case of my partner... he told me today he had resolved not to be in a bad mood (even though he has truly had a very bad week at work etc.), and I can tell he is working at it... anyhow, to me, that shows growth, and that makes me happy |
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Joey
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« Reply #10 on: December 16, 2010, 06:20:26 PM » |
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Thanks everyone for your replies I think, very slowly, over the period of time since I have been seriously practicing the dharma I have seen positive changes in people around me... Maybe they are just growing all on their own (and I rejoice in that if that is the case ) However, it is still a nice motivating factor for me to think I can be of help to the people I care about... In the case of my partner... he told me today he had resolved not to be in a bad mood (even though he has truly had a very bad week at work etc.), and I can tell he is working at it... anyhow, to me, that shows growth, and that makes me happy tell him that if he really dosent want to be in a bad mood, seek help. seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign that he really wants to change and deal with things with a happier way. best of luck to him and you! you guys will be happy! |
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If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind." ~Buddha
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