Hi all, it's Simon again, the chap who wants to take Refuge.
Firstly, I should like to thank everyone for all the replies and messages of concern, encouragement and support that Firefly and the like have sent me, and to the Administrator who took my message to Rinpoche in the first place.
I have had time to think, not so much about the question of Refuge or no Refuge, but on my behaviour, and I do not like what I see. What I observed goes something like this:
1. I am looking for the means to take Refuge;
2. I find Rinpoche on Youtube.
3. I write to this Forum.
4. Rinpoche offers straight off to give me Refuge.
and 5. I GO SLAP IT BACK IN HIS FACE!!!
I now find myself with a small and gentle voice inside of me asking me, "What was all that about? You got what you asked for, why are you making it more complicated than it need be? What's really going on here?"
If I were drowning in a storm at sea, and someone very kindly threw me a lifebelt, how would I react? Would I grab on to it for all mercy, or would I shout back stupid questions in attempt to see if this kind somebody was kosher or not?
Guess what I did.
I feel foolish when I see how arrogant and blind I have been, and humbled by the fact that no one in the Forum was so mean as to point this out to me. You all continued being nice, which is all very, um er, nice.
In the light of this, I humbly apologise to Rinpoche for biting the hand that was offering me so freely something that is so important. If my questions offended his or anyone else's sensibility, I apologise immediately and sincerely.
In the meantime, I shall continue comtemplating something round, like my ever-increasing navel.