Help needed...How to help?

[spiritnoname]

 I was going to suggest the same thing Joey did, but he beat me too it lol. And I agree with Krusty about women needing to put two and two together to realize sex = baby. And I agree with Small, it would be uncompassionate to just throw all this stuff in a lady's face since it probably would just make her hate the person who's trying to help, reject what the person is saying and try to convince others she is right and anyone who says otherwise is wrong, abort the baby, and then feel eternally like shit,... Showing the abortion vids needs to be done before the women feel guilty and obligated to save face I think.

 Lola, your sister needs to leave that guy anyways if he's going to leave her because she has a kid, especially when he's helping make them.  Does your sister have any support there? Because what I'm thinking is she could just have the baby, if he is willing to father the child then he can, but if he isn't then she shouldn't be with him anyways and can live with family or something. The adoption idea would be good too. Maybe she can leave Germany? The whole thing is to get around the killing the baby if it will have good chances to survive and live a happy life.

 Do your best to repeatedly remind her of all her options. If she's a normal woman I expect she won't make this decision lightly and she'll need little more than someone to clear her perspective by making sure she knows all her options, or maybe give her some more.
 

[Krusty]

Hi all,

And I agree with Krusty about women needing to put two and two together to realize sex = baby.

To not get under suspicion of being macho. Men should count (put two and two together) as well.

Regs Krusty

[Krusty]

Dear lola152,

in every german hospital you find so called social workers. Your sister may speak with them or with the docs as well about alternate options. She does not have to be afraid of legal problems for those people underly professional discretion.

Regs Krusty

[lola152]

People create all kinds of reason and excuses to go on with their ignorance. That is the whole point of ignorance, I guess...Really making effort to stay stupid, if I may sound harsh...
I m just happy that she still didn t call the doctor to make an apointment, so It gives me some extra time to try with some of the things you guys suggested, and secretly make prayers...
Maybe praying to Medicine Buddha and making offerings would be the right thing, or is there some other, even more beneficial practice?

[pummy369]

I know a girl who had a child when she was very young and in unfavourable circumstances - meaning her boyfriend at the time was also not interested and infact quite nasty about it.  She had no financial resources and no one in her family supported her at the time, but being strong headed, she didn't let that interfere with her decision to have the baby.  Once the baby was a person for all to see, of course everybody else came round to the idea.  She was mostly a single-parent and went through many hardships.  She was self-proffessed 'not the best mother' and had alot of her own growing up to do.  Now her son is 16 and she often feels guilty that she wasn't able to offer him a more stable and complete upbringing but she has had to accept that she did the best she could with what she had - both financially and emotionally.  She was only young herself and trying to work life out but at least she knows that she always loved him, protected him and of course - made the choice to give him life. 

Looking back now she knows that this child probably saved her life in many ways.  He gave her strength and something to live for at the lowest times of her life.  She would have been so reck-less in her life but she knew she had to guard her own life so as not to bring her child the pain of growing up without a mother.  Having this child may have saved two lives.  Now she wonders if she will ever be able to have another child- her clock is ticking.  It is possible the only child she may ever be blessed with is the one that she could have decided she was too young to have.  You just never know what lays ahead in life.  And you know - do you ever hear someone saying how they regret having their child?  It just doesn't happen. 

It is also worth remembering all of the women in the world who can't have a child and have a hole in their heart because of it.  Don't know if it helps to share a perspective like that with her.

It's still her decision tho isn't it - doesn't matter how strongly anyone else feels about it really.

Hmmm...nothing really very Buddhist in this reply.  Sorry.  I'm still all for saying prayers for the unborn baby but I can't help with which ones or who to pray to.  Anyone....?

[Crazywisdom]

A though occured to me whilst thinking over this situation,

Which one of the people i've met in my life do i wish had been aborted? Couldn't think of any! Even the horrid people i've met.

Like i say its not for me to tell others how to live, though i think you need to stand by her whatever she choses to do.

If my sister found herself in a similar situation and was contemplating an abortion i would offer to take on the child myself if it would help.

Jon

[dabeisyin]

It is really hard to advise someone who has no faith in Buddha Dharma as to what to do.  You can't elaborate on karma to them... they'll just think you are hateful.  You can't say a lot of things really.  All you can really do is meditate and pray.  As to what Buddha to pray to, I think any Buddha would be good... because all forms of the Buddha are manifestations of one Buddha.

The Buddha only appears to come in different forms because living beings have different needs and affinities. The Buddha really has no form, in reality. So you could pray to White Tara or Medicine Buddha, whoever you have a strong attraction to.  The affinity you have with that form will cause your concentration to be stronger.  So results will be better.  Maybe a dharma protector, because they remove things that cause you to create bad karma from your life.  But I am not sure. 

I started to pray to Setrap but only because I loved Amitabha already and thought... ooh wow... how auspicious.  It's big daddy with his tongue hanging out and all red and stuffs.. Aww. Cute.  my mother would freak out if she saw it, but to me it is the dharmakaya all funky cute looking.  Aww... You know how Paris hugs Tara in the Dharma Princess Diaries?  I want to hug Setrap.  He's my boo. 

So anyway, pray to whoever you love the most in this situation because you probably don't have a lot of time.

[lola152]

Well my friends, I decided to fly to Germany next week to be by her side. And somehow I m getting more and more confidant and feel less and less desperate...
Maybe it was the prayers, maybe the support from you...
Anyhow, I re-read all of the posts again and again, and one thing seams to be clear, and that is-that life human life is importaint and that it should be handeled with a lot of respect and care.
I don t think I can be too harsh with her, not only because she is no Buddhist, but because she is my younger sister and if some of you have one, you know how it feels...

[dabeisyin]

I don't have any sisters, but if I had a sister I would hope she would be like you.

[lola152]

Thats sweet...Maybe in one of our next lives

[Krusty]

Dear lola152,

am living in Hamburg. When you come to germany and you are in anyway near, please let me know if I can be of help.

Love Krusty

[Krusty]

Dear pummy369,

I know a girl who had a child .......

thank you a lot for this post,

love Krusty

[Joey]

just show her the abortion videos then see how she reacts to it

[lola152]

Yes pummy369, I would like to thank you aswell...Thanx for reminding my forgetable head Krusty! And thank you for a generous offer. I m going to Stuttgart, it s where I used to live till this sommer. Bist du Deutsch eigentlich?
I m not sure if I will show her the abortion videos, I m not even sure if I could see them myself.

Today I heard about something that really shocked me, even though I thought I can not be shocked in todays society.
There is a female artist (from US think, but I m not sure) and she is creating what she calls art, by deliberately getting pregnant and then aborting afterwords. I don t know how many times she repeated it, but definatelly several. And the best of all, she is backing it up with some kind of comparison with the art of Marcel Duschamp (spelling..!?).
I just imagine that this woman is so deluded that she is actually allready "over the cooko"s nest"- as Tsem Rinpcohes once put it his teaching, but what horrifies me is the tolerance our "liberal" society to such "performances".
There is a whole lot more actually in my head, I m even thinking about writing about it in an essay work I have, since I study philosophy. If it may help in any possible way!

[dabeisyin]

Did you hear about the artist in South America that starved a dog to death and called that art?
I know it's really bad.  I don't know what is wrong with people. Ew.